Anxious Thoughts: Why are They Different?
Let me start with the question: How many times have you thought about something but didn’t listen or follow through? Most of us should be able to respond with, “Many times!” In fact, you probably had more than one example of this already today. Maybe this morning you wondered about the type of cereal you were going to eat or the outfit you were going to wear. Maybe you had the thought, “I should pack my own lunch for work,” but then you decided getting take out was the better choice—again. Our days are full of thoughts that we may or may not decide to follow through on, and typically we have no problem with our lack of follow through.
So why is it different with anxiety?
Anxiety demands two things: certainty and comfort. Anxiety tells us that we need to know what’s going to happen next so that we can control it, and that we have to feel safe and comfortable, otherwise we should want out. Anxiety sends the message, “This is bad, and you can’t handle it,” and we often listen.
Worry begins in our prefrontal cortex where thoughts, plans, and imagination are created. What’s 8+8? What day is it? That’s your prefrontal cortex. Inventing ideas, hypothesizing, “what if” thoughts – those also live in your prefrontal cortex. “What if mom doesn’t pick me up from school today?” Bingo! You have an anxious thought. Then, that thought activates the amygdala.
Your amygdala is the danger/fear center of your brain. Its job is to remember past danger, anticipate future danger, and alert you to current danger. It’s wired to do good, and we need it to activate in actual dangerous situations, but the problem is, it can be glitchy. It’s small—about the size of an almond—and it’s powerful. It has one response: my human is in trouble.
When the amygdala is activated, it drops three chemicals down into your body—serotonin, cortisol, and adrenaline–getting it ready to fight back, run away, or freeze. This is when physical symptoms are experienced, such as an upset stomach, increased heart rate, difficulty breathing, shaking, headache, and more. This happens because the chemicals are shutting down non-essential body functions, so that it can give more energy to the bigger organs that will assist in your escape. It does this powerfully, and quickly, leaving us feeling uncomfortable.
Now that your body is uncomfortable, it sends more worried thoughts back to your prefrontal cortex asking if it should be worried about the response—aka worried about the worry. If your prefrontal cortex agrees that something seems bad, it sends a message back to the amygdala saying, “Good job! You got it right and kept us safe!” Thus, the chemicals go again, intensifying the physical reactions, and the cycle repeats.
The good news is, you can learn to interrupt this cycle and retrain your amygdala!
Anxiety demands that we go on the defensive position – run away, avoid, shut down, give up. So, if we want to change the pattern, we have to learn to react and respond to the worried thoughts differently. Rather than give in and go on defense, we have to take an offensive stance.
An offensive stance often looks like doing exactly the opposite of what the worry wants. Worry says, “STOP!” It doesn’t like to move forward. But we have to learn to take action when we are worried. Taking an offensive stance towards our anxiety gives our amygdala a chance to relearn how to respond to that situation/trigger. Offense is a choice. The goal is to lean into situations that make you uncomfortable and unsure or nervous because that’s when we’re on the right track.
How can you start challenging your anxiety?
Look for those uncomfortable, uncertain situations. (The thing that just popped into your head – yes, that.) When you find yourself avoiding something, or feeling anxious, that’s your cue to call out the anxiety, welcome it, and push forward, doing the opposite of what it wants you to do. Have social anxiety? A challenging exercise might be to go inside the coffee shop to order from the barista instead of ordering ahead on your phone. For your child, maybe it’s ordering their own food at a restaurant, asking a friend over for a play date, or saying hi to a classmate in the hall at school.
Just because you think it, doesn’t make it so, but anxiety lies and says different. Here’s your invitation to shift your language to, “Bring it on!” “More please!” “I am willing to feel uncomfortable/unsure!” and watch as your tolerance for anxiety grows, and those unhelpful responses decrease.